Time to Live Time to Grow
by DiamondDolls
Summary: Derek Morgan is no stranger to the horrific nightmares that come with working in the BAU. He is also no stranger to the terrifying dreams that come in the form of a man named Carl Buford. Can Morgan's reopened wounds, the nightmares, be soothed by Dr. Spencer Reid?
1. The Nightmares Won't Heal

Complete silence fell over the agents of the Behavioral Analysis Unit as Derek Morgan walked into the bull-pen. Aaron Hotchner paused in his review of an old case and strode over to his subordinate.

"Morgan, you were told to take time off." Hotchner stated sternly.

"You did. Look Hotch, I just came here to talk with Reid."

Reid glanced up from the decades-old case file, brow furrowed as he studied the tense features of his teammate.

Hotchner signed low, upset that his orders we not being followed, and jerked a thumb towards his office.

"You two can talk in my office; however, I expect you to adhere to my directions and go home after, Morgan."

Morgan mumbled his thanks and ascended the stairs to Hotchner's office, knowing that his genius friend would follow. Reid entered seconds later and quietly shut the door.

"So…what did you need to talk about?" Reid asked after a lengthy pause.

Morgan began to pace, agitated, "I know what I need. I know how to fix these feelings, these damn nightmares."

Reid sat back against Hotchner's hard mahogany desk, "What do you need?"

Morgan stopped his packing to stare directly at Reid, "I think…no, I _need_ to let someone dominate me."

Although there was hesitation in his words; Morgan's demeanor was unwavering.

Reid paused before beginning slowly, "Morgan…"

"Not in the same way," Morgan clarified as he began to pace once more, "I understand that I have nothing to fear, haven't had anything to fear in years. But, I think I really need to be shown. I need gentleness and caring, but above all, I need someone I can trust."

Reid regarded his friend with steady eyes, "I understand. What do you need from me?"

Morgan bit his lip and gathered his courage, "I need you to dominate me."

"Is that really what you want?"

"I trust you with my life. You're my best friend man. I know I can trust you with my body."

Reid nodded and strolled closer to the vulnerable man. "You know that there is no guarantee that this will help. You will never be able to forget him Morgan. Carl Buford will always be a part of who you are."

Morgan blew out a mouthful of air, "I just want to quiet the nightmares."

"I know, but this is just a chance you are taking. It may not change anything."

"I am willing t take that chance. If I can calm just one nightmare, one memory, then it will be worth everything."

"Then I am willing too."

Morgan turned, opened the office door, and whispered a 'thank you'.

Reid waited, collecting himself a few moments before exiting. He walked to Hotchner and whispered into the senior officer's ear, his gaze falling to Morgan. Hotchner observed Morgan for a moment before nodding.

"Take good care of him, Reid."

Reid quickly grabbed his items and left to the many confused stares of his fellow agents. The cool night air immediately hit as he walked out. Morgan stood silently, waiting for the instructions he knew Reid would supply.

"My car," Reid announced starting towards the car park, Morgan trailing behind. The worn leather interior crackled under Morgan's weight as he slipped into the passenger seat.

"First stop will be your place so you can pack an overnight bag." Reid stated as he backed out of his designated parking space. He pulled onto the dark road and headed towards Morgan's house.

Morgan was silent. His leg bounced nervously.

"Morgan," Reid started and Morgan jumped. "You said that you trust me. Please relax. I would never harm you."

Morgan hopped out of the car as soon as Reid pulled into the driveway. He threw a look over his shoulder at the other man, receiving a reassuring smile in return. He was in and out of his house in less than 5 minutes, a small black bag slung over his shoulder.

As Reid reversed down the short driveway Morgan startled him with a question.

"You say that you will not hurt me."

Reid glanced over to his passenger, "I will not hurt you Morgan. You know that."

"It will hurt though. It always did." Morgan assured, face pinched with the pain of memories.

Reid looked serious, "It should never hurt Morgan. If it does then things are going completely wrong."

Morgan once again lapsed into a quiet state, not even realizing when they reached Reid's house. His exit from the car was slow.

A look at the well-kept house sent Morgan's fight-or-flight mode in hyper-drive. He locked in place by the beat-up car. Reid immediately assessed the situation, splayed a hand upon the shorter man's back, murmured a soft 'it's all right', and gently shoved him forward.

Morgan stumbled into the house, breathing heavily as Reid shut and locked the door. The genius shucked off his shoes and mismatched socks, and Morgan did the same.

"Relax Derek." Reid called as he strode into the kitchen.

Morgan did a double-take as his first name fell from Reid's mouth.

What a ridiculous piece of advice. Relax? Yeah right.


	2. Trust Me

Morgan was not anywhere near relaxed as he awkwardly stood in Reid's living room.

"Morgan, you need to try and relax." Reid called from the kitchen, "This cannot even begin to work if you don't."

Morgan rolled his eyes, sat his bag upon the leather couch, and entered the kitchen. Reid was leaning against the counter with a glass of deep red wine in his hand. He offered another to Morgan.

"You drink wine?" Morgan asked his anxiety abating or surprise. He rarely saw the genius drink anything, water included. He took the offered glass.

"I do." Reid answered.

Morgan took a sip of the crimson liquid, grimacing as he mulled over the tannic flavor. Reid eyed him critically.

"Not good?"

"I can't say that I'm a wine type of guy, Spencer."

Reid chuckled, not missing how Morgan casually dropped his name, "Obviously not."

He set his half-full glass upon the granite counter and plucked the other from Morgan's hand. It was abandoned next to his own.

"Are you ready Derek?"

Morgan halted, eyes widening, "You mean now?"

Reid reached out and slowly enveloped Morgan in his arms. Morgan rested his head against Reid's bony shoulder.

"I mean soon. It's time we became more comfortable with each other. You need to remember though that you have nothing to prove. You can stop me at anytime and don't have to do this.

Morgan shook his head, pulling back to look at Reid, "I've thought about this for days Spencer…and I do have to do this."

"Then place your trust in me. Trust that you are safe here." Reid smiled, "Come take a shower with me."

"A shower?" Morgan stuttered in disbelief as Reid stepped back.

"Yes, a shower. I will not do anything without your permission Derek. Trust me."

"I trust you." Morgan said and followed Reid into his bedroom. He took the initiative and locked the door himself, fingers tightening slightly on the knob.

He did not have anything to prove. Reid was right. They could take it at his pace. His choice. His time.

He didn't have anything to prove. Nothing.


	3. A Shower Encounter

Reid gently took Morgan's hand away from the door.

"You do not have to put on a brave front for me Derek. You are understandably nervous. I am not here to judge you."

Morgan noticed the sincerity of Reid's tone and stepped into the bathroom first. He took in his surroundings as Reid closed the door and flicked on the overhead fan. The bathroom was large and lavishly decorated, not quite fitting with Reid's overall personality. However, the thing that caught Morgan's attention was the glass shower, enclosed in a thick black curtain, large and completely see-through.

" _You_ shower in there?" Morgan asked disbelievingly.

"I often do. Why?"

"There is no privacy." Morgan stated more than a little shocked that his coworker would have such a shower. Of all the things Reid was, an exhibitionist wasn't one.

"I don't see who will walk into a _locked_ room Derek," Reid said as he opened the shower door. "I mean besides the obvious murderer, but I'd have worse problems then."

Morgan caught the light-hearted teasing and smiled, "Who knew our resident genius was this indecorous."

Reid smiled and stepped into Morgan's personal space, breaking the light mood in seconds. He placed a hand on Morgan's chest feeling the increased heartbeat.

"May I undress you?" Reid inquired.

Morgan sucked in a sharp breath as long fingers swirled over his black shirt. He managed a smirk as he felt the graceful digits trembling. "Go ahead, Pretty Boy."

Reid took the invitation and ran his hands down Morgan's firm chest to his rippled abdomen. Morgan shuddered involuntarily as cold hands – always with the cold hands – delved up his shirt and shifted over the planes of his stomach. He lifted his arms, allowing the shirt to be pulled off and chucked to the side. Talented hands when to work on his belt, pulling it out and its loop and dropping it with a loud clack upon the tiled floor. Morgan stepped out of his pants as they fell, kicking them aside.

Leaving Morgan in his boxer-briefs, Reid started to undress himself. He slid his tie off with a quick tug and lobbed it across the room. His nimble fingers efficiently unbuttoned and dropped his shirt to the floor.

Morgan stared transfixed at the white skin revealed. While Reid was nowhere near as muscled as himself, or any of the members of their team, he was definitely building some clearly defined abdominals and biceps.

"You've been working out?" Morgan asked.

"I have been."

"Is there any specific event that brought this on?" Morgan knew that he wasn't the only one who had nightmares to deal with.

"No specific event. I just figured it was time to try and match the brawn with the brains."

Morgan laughed, "The brains are enough, Pretty Boy. However, Prentiss and J.J. might get jealous when they find out I know what you look like under those dress shirts and sweater vests."

"Are you planning on giving them a play-by-play?" Reid joked as he shucked off his pants.

Morgan averted his gaze and entered the shower, unashamedly dropping his boxers on the way. After all, Reid had shown no skittishness in his own nakedness.

"I may just have to give them something to quell their gossip."

Reid stepped right in after Morgan, threw out his own boxers, and slid the door shut.

"Then you may want to supply Garcia with information instead. From where do you think all this 'juicy work gossip' stems?"

Morgan chuckled as Reid reached to turn the knobs. A hiss sounded before steaming water poured from several shower-heads adorning the stone wall. The glass quickly fogged up as both agents stepped into the relaxing spray.

"I never would have pictured you having an amazing shower like this." Morgan groaned as the hot water beat down on his tense muscles.

"You can find a lot of perks if you study and take way too long making a purchase." Reid answered tossing a rag and body wash at Morgan.

"You telling me I'm dirty?" Morgan asked playfully as he lathered up and washed away the day's grime.

"Working around murder victims tends to make one feel dirty, if not literally dirty." Reid rejoined and began to wash his hair.

Morgan smirked as he let the suds and apprehension wash away. He closed his eyes under the cascade of water and relaxed for a few minutes.

"May I kiss you Derek?" Reid asked breaking the silence.

Morgan opened his eyes as Reid stepped closer. To his surprise, he found himself to be completely calm, and even a bit interested in this development.

"Yes."

Reid rested a hand on Morgan's back to pull him closer, as his other hand cupped Morgan's chin. Their lips met softly, tentatively, and Morgan's eyes automatically slid shut. He wrapped his arms around Reid's neck, completely astonished at how easy it was to relax with his friend and coworker.

Reid skimmed his tongue over Morgan's bottom lip and was pleasantly shocked when the mouth below his opened immediately. He delved in and mapped the new territory, tasting bitter black coffee and a hint of red wine on Morgan's tongue.

Morgan groaned – good kissing he could do – and brought his own tongue to action, twining it with Reid's. He pulled away after a few heated minutes to take a deep breath.

A devious look crossed Reid's face as he took in Morgan's disheveled appearance, arousal included. No permission was asked for, or needed, a second time and Morgan was backed up against the cool glass. Reid mouthed a path down Morgan's neck, smirking into the hollow of his throat as the man let out a strangled moan.

"Do you trust me?" Reid asked as he bit gently on Morgan's pulse point.

"Undoubtedly." Morgan murmured.

Morgan looked deep into Reid's eyes, seeing nothing but the comfort of friendship and home. There was no judgment, only complete intent to help. He could feel decades-old defensive wall beginning to crumble and fears dissipating.

"Pretty Boy, I think it's about time we move this show to a better location." Morgan asserted.

"I think you might be right." Reid agreed and reached to shut-off the water.


	4. Road to Healing

Reid stepped out of the shower and grabbed two fluffy towels. Water droplets splashed to the floor as he tossed one to Morgan.

Morgan dried off slowly, running the towel over his glistening chest and downwards, as Reid watched entranced.

"You are beautiful." Reid declared as he crooked a finger at Morgan, bidding him to come.

Morgan secured his towel around his waist and walked over. "You're no slouch yourself."

They both shared a grin.

When Morgan was within reach, Reid grabbed him and spun him so his back was against the counter.

"You really won't need this." Reid said and tugged the towel from Morgan's hips, exposing him once more. He slotted his hips perfectly against Morgan's and slowly rocked.

A low groan tore from Morgan's throat, "Where has this version of you been hiding?"

Reid smiled, "Always been around."

Morgan drew a hand down Reid's back as their arousals glided together pleasurably, "You're fairly collected for this situation."

Reid drew Morgan's face towards his own, kissing him softly, "I need to stay collected for you. You still may need to stop this."

As Morgan began to protest, Reid leaned in to whisper gently in his ear. "Don't get me wrong Derek. I would love nothing more than to be inside of you, feeling you tremble around me in pleasure."

Morgan gasped. Reid, the genius with several doctorates, had just talked dirty to him. "Those words did not just come out of your mouth."

"I believe they did. Come on." Reid declared and tugged Morgan through the doorway that Morgan could not recall Reid even unlocking.

A good deal of kissing occurred on the way into the bedroom and Morgan toppled ungracefully onto the pillows as his knees hit the bed.

Reid laughed and reached into his nightstand, removing a bottle of lubrication. He tossed it onto the bed beside of Morgan and then paused in his quest of retrieving something else.

"Condom?" Reid queried and Morgan shrugged.

"Carl," Morgan spat, "wasn't really a fan."

Reid fumed, "Carl is a pedophile and rapist. What do you want Derek? You are in control here, not me and certainly not Carl Buford."

Morgan considered Reid's serious face, noting with gratitude that all of his words were true. "Well, no one likes condoms, Pretty Boy. Wouldn't you agree?"

Reid smiled back at his friend and placed a condom to the side. "I'll leave this just in case. Remember, you're completely in charge here."

He climbed onto the bed and settled between Morgan's strong thighs, hooking a muscled calf around his hip at the same time. He canted Morgan's hips up to an agreeable position before snatching up the lube.

"I'm going to prepare you with my fingers first Derek. Just try to relax and I'll take care of you. I promise not to hurt you."

Morgan nodded and dragged Reid down into an open-mouthed kiss. Reid groaned and popped the cap on the lube, pouring a generous amount of the viscous liquid onto his fingers.

"Relax." Reid soothed and slid his slick fingers down.

Morgan clutched at he covers as a cool, wet finger circled his entrance. The digit slid in with no resistance and Morgan trembled. There was no pain.

"Is this okay?" Reid asked, sliding his finger back and forth gently until Morgan fully relaxed.

"Yes."

Testing the waters, Reid slowly added a second finger. Morgan tensed, unused to this foreign feeling that wasn't pain.

"Open for me." Reid cooed and immediately felt the muscle loosen.

Morgan fought the urge to close his legs, feeling ridiculously open and out of his zone. Reid just tightened his hold and shoved his fingers deeper.

"Oh." Morgan gasped, choking on a moan.

Reid chuckled, somehow darkly, and crooked his fingers. Morgan jerked, groaning.

"That is your prostate. This," Reid explained and rubbed his fingers torturously over the nub of flesh, "is the reason why anal sex between mean is so pleasurable when done correctly."

Morgan tossed his head back as gasps escaped from his parted lips.

"If you think that my fingers feel good, imagine what it will feel like to have something much larger slamming into you over and over again."

Morgan actually whimpered. He never imagined that Reid, his nerdy coworker, could talk like that. He definitely never imagined such a thing turning him on.

"Another." Morgan breathed, throbbing with arousal. Reid acquiesced, pulling his fingers back and pushing forward with a third.

Morgan exhaled slowly, his body fluttering around Reid's long fingers. "Spence…"

"Gorgeous." Reid murmured, slowly retracting his fingers. He pulled them out, added more lubricant, and pushed them back in. Morgan's body barely resisted the breach.

Morgan moaned and jerked as a hot mouth descended on his chest. Reid's fingers pressed deeper still and rammed harshly over Morgan's prostate.

"Ah!" Morgan cried huskily, grinding his body up into Reid's. He quivered as his body tingled. "Spencer, if you do not quit teasing…"

Reid smirked and withdrew his fingers, "Teasing? If I were teasing you, Derek, you'd know it. You would be begging for release."

Reid slicked himself up with lube, settling over Morgan's body. He worried the skin of Morgan's ear, breathing hotly. "I'd have you bent over, body flushed, stretched around my fingers. You would ache from the denial of your orgasm, and only when you're a sobbing, begging mess would I give you what you crave."

Morgan shuddered. It seemed like Reid had caught on this his newly found kink. "You know Pretty Boy; I believe I've found the perfect gossip for our ladies."

"Have you?" Reid curled his hands around Morgan's hips and brought him close, "Are you ready for me, Derek?"

"I think now is the perfect time to find out." Morgan assured.

Reid shoved forward gently into Morgan's waiting body, meeting little resistance. He wrapped a hand around Morgan's pounding arousal willing the body beneath his to completely relax.

"God," Morgan moaned as Reid thrust all the way in.

"Not what people usually call me." Reid panted, resting his head on Morgan's chest. It had been way too long since he'd taken a partner to bed.

Placing a single kiss on Morgan's forehead, Reid firmly grasped Morgan's jutting hips.

"Prepare yourself Derek. I'm going to show you exactly how this should always feel."

That was all the warning Morgan received and he wasn't quite prepared for when Reid withdrew, almost to the point of pulling out, and then roughly thrust back in. Morgan all but wailed as his prostate was hit dead on. His nerves lit up with fire and he arched. Reid caught him about the waist and drove up into the tight heat.

"Spencer." Morgan could only pant, moan, and groan as Reid plunged deep inside of him relentlessly. "You feel so good."

Reid locked heated gazes with Morgan as he grinded their bodies together. "This, right here, is how you should always feel. Carl Buford only cared to hurt you and now he has lost any control he ever had over you. You never have to be afraid of this Derek. If someone cares about you they will take care of you."

"Please, Spence." Morgan cried, "I need…"

Reid dropped Morgan back to the bed, grasping him under his thighs, and spreading him wide. "What do you need? Harder? Faster?"

"Please." Morgan whined as Reid gave him what he needed. Harder. Faster.

Morgan could feel the waves of pleasure building steadily as his prostate was mercilessly slammed into. He couldn't describe this feeling, this overwhelming pleasure. He didn't want to end it so soon, but Reid was having none of that.

"We're not teasing today Derek." Reid growled in Morgan's ear, "You're going to come now, solely by my cock on your prostate."

Morgan keened body tight as a bow. The level of dirty talk was overwhelming. "Oh my God, Spencer. Don't stop."

"Never." Reid breathed, thrusting viciously. "Come for me now, Derek."

Those words were more than enough and Morgan did. He practically screeched as the waves crashed through him, shaking his body and blurring his vision.

Reid watched mesmerized as Morgan trembled in his arms and clenched around his arousal. He thrust once more into the quaking body, grunting as his own orgasm race through him.

"How stunning you were coming for me." Reid panted as he gently extracted himself.

Morgan pulled Reid down into a content kiss. "Thank you, Pretty Boy."

Reid cupped a hand to Morgan's face. "I will always be there for you when you need me Derek. And honestly, I should be thanking you. You allowed me to touch you in a way that wouldn't be afforded others. You let me show you something beautiful."

"I trust you."

"And that means everything." Reid pulled back. "Now, let's go get this grime washed away."

Morgan grinned. "I think you just enjoy watching me shower."

"I enjoy quite a bit more than that."


End file.
